Happy New Year to all reading this. This marks my first entry for the year, and my third ever. With the recent code update I just made, it will definitely be the first of many more to come.
This was probably the most challenging New Year ever. Probably because it's following the most challenging year ever, 2020, the year of a 100-year global pandemic, 50-year civil unrest, and near electoral disaster. Of course, problems were never going to disappear from a simple change of year--this much I knew. But things eerily escalated right in the very first week, all within and without. Week 1 of 2021 didn't just seem to be a continuation of 2020, week 1 felt like 2020 itself.
The ultimate upside is that, just like 2020, I endured much pain, but came out stronger and more understanding in the end.
Like 2020, I took stock of many things around me, and inside of me. Despite all the work and progress done in 2020, I realized I stlll had more to do. Certain old patterns no longer served me, and despite how much stronger I thought I was, I was still too admittedly co-dependent and appeasing to admit it--and accordingly, I still wasn't respecting myself enough.
I've been hurt before, even physically, in ways that exacerbate my own problems, or even made me feel like I deserved what happened to me.
I've also emotionally hurt others, too, even if unintentionally.
There is so much pain in the world now than in any other time in my life, and it's so sad. I miss so many people/places/things, and I have so many regrets. There are several people I wish things could've been different with, but can now no longer talk to.
I can't change the past, but I thank them for all the growth they have helped me achieve, and I hope we can all find the peace and happiness we deserve in this crazy world.
Last year was about not giving up on myself; the beginning of this year seems to be about giving up bad or non-serving things. Among other things, I haven't drank since the new year, either (yup, that's a long time for me). And I'm continuing to update this site with my own feelings/writings, and about to start a project with a friend. I'm actively learning languages again every day, hopeful to travel for our collective non-COVID future. Despite the pain of week 1, like 2020 I survived, and here I am. I am all right.
And I know you will be, too.